I received this email from a friend who works in the marketing industry. I like to keep things fun and light hearted so felt it appropriate to share it with you. These are obvious phrases that are or have been used in the verbiage of marketing a home. Please respect that they are for the purpose of shining a comical light on said interpretations.
Great copywriting to HELP you understand how your Realtor feels about your home:
• Old charmer – an old and ugly house
• Stunning house – the house is not ugly
• Tudor – two bedrooms are in the attic which is not insulated; very hot in summer and very cold in winter
• Cape Cod – styled after Third World slum dwellings
• Sunny corner lot – noisy intersection of two busy streets
• Easy freeway access – noisy arterial street close to freeway
• Low maintenance lot – no yard; the kids will have to play in the street
• Meticulously maintained in the original condition – the appliances are 50 years old
• Ready to remodel – the house is about to collapse; you will have to invest twice the asking price in remodel before you can move in
• Newly remodeled kitchen – 50-year old cabinetry and faucets have been replaced with cheap modern equivalents
• Ready to move in – the interior has been painted with one coat of cheap paint
• Desirable neighborhood – this little house is extravagantly overpriced because the neighborhood has a snobbish reputation
• 1-car garage – you can drive your Ford Escort into the garage but there is no room to open the door
• In-city living – it is not safe to walk in this neighborhood after dark
• Recreation room with wet bar – basement has been painted and has a faucet
• Large family room – large basement
• Bedroom in basement – basement has a 1′ by 2′ window
• Lots of storage space – basement too small to be called a family room
• Partial mountain view – you can see the tip of Mt. Olympus if you climb the roof
• Territorial view – good view of your neighbor’s bedroom window
• Build sweat equity – the house is not inhabitable
• Storybook – the house is old and the roof is not flat
• Efficiently designed kitchen – the kitchen is too small to fit two people at the same time
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